Just thoughts.
People strive to know who they are. We analyze our actions, recall memories, learning to anticipate our own feelings. We say, "that is so like me" or "I wasn't always like this."
What does it feel like not to have the memories needed to form a knowledge of self? It feels vaguely wrong. It is not acutely painful. I suppose a global temporary amnesia would bring sharp pain. But long-term amnesia has no sharp edges. It irritates like a pea under the mattress.
Live with such amnesia for years and it will not cause a sharp pain, even when you discover that the story of your life told by your parents is full of holes and falsehoods. You have learned to live with not knowing. I got past the need to dig for the truth, to fill the gaps, to know myself.
It was better to live in an imaginary world, with an imaginary history. My parents needed to protect themselves with whatever stories they could weave to cover themselves. The least i could dow was to pretend belief, allowing them to feel safe. That is so like me.
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